Query Letter

First things first:  Keep in mind that (so far) all of my query letters have been rejected, so take everything I say with a whole barrel of salt.  Of course, I’m hoping that this one won’t be rejected, but just in case it is, if you happen to have any advice or tips for how to improve it, please feel free to leave a comment.  I’m always looking for ways to improve all my writing, including query letters.

Last year, around this time, I was receiving rejection letters.  I had spent hours researching literary agents, making sure they were accepting submissions, checking to see if they were interested in the genre of my manuscript, googling them to learn everything I could about them.  I wrote one fantastic query letter, and then made changes to it as I queried each individual agent (the plot summary stayed the same, but other things changed, like “Dear John” became “Dear Sue” and “I’m querying you because…”).  I paid the most careful attention to every submission guideline.  If they only accepted post mail, I sent it the old fashioned way, and included the self-addressed stamped envelope.  If email was okay, I submitted digitally.  If they wanted a synopsis, that was all I sent them.  If they wanted the first three chapters, that was the only thing that went.  I queried less than 20 agents.  And heard back from half of them.  I received nothing but rejections, of various kinds.  Most were form emails.  One was a small square slip of pink paper tucked into my SASE.  One was a personal letter written by the agent who said my writing had good points but that they weren’t ready to take it on for one reason and another.  That letter gave me hope.

This year, I queried one agent.  I met her at a conference, and she requested the submission.  Which cut down a lot of my work load.  And cut my query letter in half.  Instead of spending an entire paragraph on introducing myself and another paragraph on why I was querying her, I wrote this:

It was a pleasure meeting you at the American Independent Writers conference in May 2010. I enjoyed discussing my supernatural urban fantasy manuscript with you, even though it was not fully polished at that time. Since we met, what I thought was polishing turned into full-blown editing, based on the advice I received from a writing group I had recently joined. This is why it has taken so many months to prepare the submission you requested.

Then I wrote a plot summary:

In a world similar to our own, Kyla Jones is a religious 17-year-old who has just graduated High School and is preparing to go to college. The night before she leaves home a powerful servant of The Goddess visits her and tells her that she has an important role to play. Kyla is given a sword that vanishes when it is not needed and is the only weapon capable of rescuing the Goddess’ servants from the power of The Paenitet. Before the first semester is over, Kyla will discover that in order to save the servants of the Goddess, she must defeat them, and in order to defeat The Paenitet once and for all, she is going to have to save him, too, whether he likes it or not and whether she wants to or not.

And then I closed up:

Complete at 99,000 words, Lumen tells a story about a teen becoming a young woman amidst a battle between good and evil that shakes the foundations of her own faith and complicates every relationship she has.

I have attached the first three chapters and look forward to hearing from you soon.

Thank you for your time and consideration,

(contact information went here)

 

I’ve already done a post on how to write a query letter, which was called Ten Tips for Query and Cover Letters , in which I talked a lot about the basic (and some of the finer) points of composing a query letter or cover letter based on research I had done using the internet (I still say queryshark is the best thing to read if you’re looking for query advice).  In the few weeks since I sent this query letter, I have been panicking like no other.  Some of my reasons are almost valid, but most of them are ridiculous:

1. Should I have said it was a “complete” manuscript, or does that make it sound like I’m assuming it’s perfect and it won’t need anymore work (because the agent will always have suggestions for how to make it even better and they want to know that you’re open to that)?  On the other hand, I did say in the beginning that I had taken advice from a writing group, so why wouldn’t I take advice from a literary agent?  Still…will the word “complete” be a point against me?
2. I forgot to include a link to my blog in the contact info?  I forgot to include a link to my blog in the contact info!  I forgot to include a link to my blog in the contact info.
3. Are the first three chapters good enough?  Will the agent be hooked?  Is the rest of the manuscript good enough?  Dare I go back through it and read/edit it – AGAIN?
4. Should I have sat on the query letter for a week and spent more time on it or would I never have sent it if I had sat on it?
5. Should I have made the summary shorter?
6. Should I have made the summary more explicit, even if that means making it longer?
7. What if 99,000 words is too long and the agent will reject it out of hand because of the length?
8. What if my email gets lost in the slush pile??????
9. What if my manuscript is not ready to be published?
10. What if I get rejected (again)?

I keep reminding myself to take a deep breath and relax, because the reality is this:  either the full manuscript will be requested, or it won’t.  Either way, the world will not stop turning.  If it’s rejected, it means that I need to spend some more time on it, after I take some time away from it first.  If more is requested, then I get to bite my nails some more until the final verdict comes out.  In any case, I will still be a Latin teacher and, as always, a Hopeful Writer.

Ten Tips for Query and Cover Letters

A friend of mine asked me to edit her cover letter for her application to a teaching position, and as I was going through it, I realized that although I have not written a cover letter in a very long time (actually maybe never), I have written a plethora of query letters, and that is the experience I drew on when I viciously edited and tore apart my friend’s cover letter.  As I worked, I realized that there are some general pieces of advice I could have given her at the beginning that would have saved both of us some work.  Of course, if you really want the best query advice out there, you should go to queryshark, but I figured I would go ahead and put my little list together and share it with the world anyway.

1. Save the business card for the bottom of the page:
   This is probably more a matter of taste than cover/query letter etiquette, but I think you should put your name and contact info at the bottom instead of at the top.  My reasoning is that the person reading your letter really doesn’t care who you are or how to get in touch with you until AFTER they read your letter.  So why take up their time and give them an eyesore before you’ve even fully introduced yourself?  Besides, if your letter is good, they will be dying to find out who you are and how to get in touch with you.  So, give them the info when they’re begging for it, and not when they really don’t care.
2. Address a specific person:
   Never address the office, the company, the agency, or publishing house, etc.  You need to make a personal connection, so figure out which individual person you’re writing to, and address it to that person.  Make sure to use Mr. or Ms. (but never Mrs.) and their last name only.  If you’re not sure about the gender because their first name is something like Cameron or Terry, then do some research and find out.
3. Explain why, not what:
   The fact that you’re writing this letter tells the person who’s reading it that you want them to hire you.  You don’t need to tell them that you’re “interested in applying yourself”.  They know you are.  You wrote the letter.  Instead of explaining the obvious, make the next jump and tell them WHY.  Why are you interested in applying for this position?  What is it in you that makes you want this position?  And why this position in particular?  Why this particular company or agency?  Why are you writing this letter to that person in particular?  Why did you single them out?  What do you like about their company or their agency or their whatever?  If you can show the person reviewing your cover/query letter that you’ve done your research and you have a list of reasons for choosing them, you are showing that you know who they are and they are more than just some random job to you.
4. Sign with the name you go by:
   Don’t sign with your middle name if you don’t go by your middle name.  It’s awkward.
5. Experience:
   When you write about your qualifications in a cover/query letter, you should never have to use words like “experience” or “qualifications”.  Do not tell the reader that you are now going to list your qualifications/experience and then list said items.  That’s what your resumé is for.  The cover letter is a place for your personality to shine through.  So, explain what you’ve done and what you’ve learned.  Be personal, specific, and professional.  Then, the person on the other end is going to think to themselves “wow, they have a lot of great experience!”  Sometimes, the trick of writing is not what words you put on the page but what words you make the reader think of on their own.  By making the reader think of the word “experience,” you’ve gotten them engaged in your letter.  They will remember that you had all of that experience, because they had to do the work to come up with the word “experience.”
6. Reduce your adjectives and qualifiers:
   Never use more than one adjective at a time and only use one adjective for every five nouns at the most.  There is no least.  A cover/query letter devoid of adjectives is strong.  (Just like how strong that sentence was.  Think about it.)  Do not put an adjective on the most important noun.  The most important noun needs to stand out, so don’t hide it with adjectives and qualifiers and run-on sentences.  Let it stand on its own and do its job.  Also, you should never have to use the words “great”, “good”, “best” etc.  Just show what  great thing you did, and your reader will think to themselves “wow!  that’s great experience!”
7. Professional means polished, not boring:
   Some people think that colors and life and fun are unprofessional because they are not boring and only boring things are professional.  Worms are boring, but they are definitely not professional.  Professional means polished.  It means you use a black size 12 times new roman font because it makes your letter look polished.  It means you have correct grammar and spelling, because that also makes your letter look polished.  It does not mean that you snuff out your personality and write like a robot.  Of course, you don’t want to come off as being too casual, either.  So, you have to find a balance.  Find ways to insert your sense of humor (or at least to show that you have one), without telling a joke.  Choose your words carefully.  Think about connotations.  For example, “enthusiasm” and “energetic” mean roughly the same thing, but we often connote “energetic” with chaotic children and “enthusiasm” with eager adults.
8. Show, don’t tell:
   This is probably the hardest thing for any writer to do, whether you’re putting together a manuscript or agonizing over a query letter.  In principle, this is how it works:  don’t tell them you love dogs, show them.  Here’s an example of telling:  “I love dogs”  Here’s an example of showing:  “I worked with dogs at an animal hospital for three years and loved every minute of it.”  This technique comes in really handy when you’re struggling with not listing off your qualifications.  Instead of using that paragraph to list qualifications, use that paragraph to talk about yourself through your qualifications and experiences.
9. Truth, truth, truth:
   Don’t make stuff up because it sounds better.  Don’t list closed down places as references when you never worked there.  What are you going to do when someone asks you about such and such manager who used to work there and it turns out their good friends and they actually can get in touch with that old manager who used to work at that closed down place?  If you think you need to make something up to make your cover letter stand out, you’re not thinking about your cover letter the right way.  You can make any experience that you really did have sound good if you get a bit creative.  Even sitting at home playing video games can sound good.  It takes a certain amount of mental skill to figure out the strategies and solutions required to beat a video game.  It also takes dedication to beat a video game.  Add a sentence that shows you know work is different from video games and you’ve not only shown your intellectual and dedication skills, but you’ve also made it into a joke, which shows that you have a sense of humor.  Truth is good.  Use it.
10. My suggested order for writing a query/cover letter:
    Start with a personal greeting like Dear Ms. Jones.  This tells them that you picked them out and you know their name – they are not a random anonymous person to you.  They are someone.  Then explain why you chose them with something like I am writing to your (company/agency/whatever) because I saw on your website that you (fact that is interesting to you and that relates to your application and the position to which you are applying).  This is interesting to me because (something personal about you – for writers, this is where you would put your one line manuscript description with word count, and the fact that it’s complete).  These two sentences tell the reader a lot.  First, it tells them that you’ve looked them up on the internet.  Second, it tells them that you actually read their website and got something out of it.  Third, it tells them that you already have a connection with them.  Fourth, it shows that you know who they are, what they do, and what they need.  After that, I would go into my experiences and qualifications, using sentences that show rather than tell.  A cover letter is not a resumé.  You’re not listing your experience for the sake of showing you’re experienced.  You are showing what kind of person you are and telling them more about yourself by using your experience as examples. At the end, I would put something along the lines of, I look forward to hearing from you soon and sincerely followed by my first and last name (I don’t go by my middle name, so I would leave it out), phone number, email, website, and mailing address.