I am ridiculously proud of myself right now. I managed to lose ten pounds in two months. That’s about five pounds a month, which is both healthy and manageable. How did I do it? Calories. My net intake goal is 1500 to 1800. Any more than that, and it’s off to the Wii Fit Plus to run in place for as much as needed to burn off the extra calories. (And let me just say that not having to exercise is powerful motivation for eating the right number of calories) The best part is that I have not had to give up any of my favorite foods. What I’ve done instead is to have the smallest portion size possible, to limit the calorie damage. This way, I don’t feel completely deprived, and I still have the will power I need to reach my goals.
So, how does any of this relate to identity? Well, I’m only changing my physical shape. I am less bulgy and more curvey. My tummy is leaner and my sides are slimmer. I have more energy. I get less sick and I get sick less often. (All this after only ten pounds!) The way I see myself has changed. I have more self-confidence. I’m happier.
Much of this is at least partially psychological. I have won a victory in my battle against unhealthy weight and therefore I feel better about everything. I also have a huge amount of hope that I can continue to lose the rest of the weight I need to lose. It now seems possible where before I seriously doubted that I would ever be able to get rid of any of this extra flab.
I feel like I am becoming a better person, and it doesn’t have anything to do with the idea of being thin. I am less grumpy, kinder, more forgiving, and less often depressed. Most importantly, I like myself more. It’s not that I never loved myself. I’ve always loved myself – that’s part of why I wanted to lose the weight in the first place. I love myself enough to want the best for myself, and that includes my health. I like myself better now, because I’ve worked through a challenge. I’ve been courageous and determined. I’ve persevered, and I haven’t just survived. I’ve thrived. I like this version of me a lot better than the me who sat around and moped because she couldn’t lose a single pound.
Weight loss is a battle and a lifestyle. You can’t relax for a minute, or if you do relax, you have to expect some consequences. You have to find a system that works for you that you can maintain for months, possibly years. Even after you lose the weight, it doesn’t end there. If you let yourself go back to your old habits, you’re going to gain back every single pound, and possibly even a few extras. You have to adjust your lifestyle so that you maintain your weight.
And the best part is, none of this feels like a burden to me. The real burden is having the extra weight and not being able to get rid of it. This whole lifestyle thing with the calorie counting and the exercising – that’s a blessing! It’s a way out of the burden. (Yes, the puns were intended. Burden/weight; get it? Sorry.)
The final bit of philosophical awesome that comes out of this losing ten pounds thing is that if I can change myself like this, and do something that for a while I honestly thought was truly impossible, how many other things are there in my life and in myself that I can also change? It may be true that some things are impossible, but we can’t know that for sure until we try to change them. If don’t admit that something is impossible and if we continue to try to make it possible, we might just succeed. It’s when we admit that something is impossible and stop trying to change it that it really becomes impossible. Even then, it doesn’t have to stay impossible. If we decide to change it and make it possible, then maybe it will become possible after all.
